My last day came, and left without making much of an impression. Someone asked me “So how does it feel”? Sadly, I felt nothing, at least not on Friday itself. Friday was one big blur of rushing and trying to finish up as much outstanding work as I could.
Perhaps Saturday morning was a more appropriate time to ask myself this question.
So, how do I feel?
The sense of liberation that I thought I may feel did not surface. Instead, there is a mixture of relief, sadness and fear. What do you call a mixture like that? I call that “growing up”.
Relief – because I found the courage within myself to act for myself and not just blindly stick to this job for the sake of other people’s opinion.
Sadness – I am leaving behind 2 and half years of memory. Incidents of joy, laughter, cheeky remarks and support from my peers, juniors and seniors are all happenings I do not wish to relegate to memories.
Fear – What shall I do with my life now? Can I go off the paved path and find my own paradise?
For my peers in the firm:-
I am very sorry I choose to abandon the ship first. It is by no means a rash decision, though it may seem sudden to a lot of you. It took a lot of courage and blind faith to go ahead with it and admittedly, I am actually a little scared. But between a future that is uncertain but full of potential otherwise versus one that is designated and fixed but felt like a punishment more often than not, I prefer the former.
2 and half years with the firm, what has it brought me? It has brought me that coveted work experience in PwC; the experience of being a junior staff and rising to become a senior to coach and deal with managers; broaden my perspective of the working society; most importantly, my peers and the knowing that I am never alone in whatever I go through. The world may misunderstand, but my peers will always understand.
We probably do not know everyone that well on a personal basis. But at the end of the day, that does not matter. Our paths have crossed one way or the other and that is good enough for me. At the end of the day, my memories of PwC will not be of the files or MyClient files. Neither would it be those coaching notes or lousy pantry offerings.
As punishing as the work in PwC may be at times, the past time spent will always be recollected fondly. The birthday celebrations; the lunch gatherings; the complaint sessions in the copier rooms; the sympathetic pat on the shoulder; the knowledge that help is always only one phone call away; the cheeky remarks; the silly grins; the mad rush we all go through on a Monday morning; the surprise when you come back on a Friday evening and realized someone just pulled out as well; the pain of setting up TPA files; the pain of having an incompetent junior; the night at the race tracks; the pain of doing insurance audits.
So many moments, so many people, so many memories.
At least I did not leave the firm empty-handed.
No matter the kind of paths or choices we choose to make in our lives, I hope everyone will be happy and at peace with their choices. Perhaps there will come one day when all of us may gather once again, and I am sure we wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable with one another. Afterall, we spent the beginning of our youth and adulthood with one another in the firm.
People once said “Gp D’s SA1s are quite resilient, aren’t they”? Probably they are comparing the outflow of people with other groups. Actually they are wrong. We are much more than just resilient. We are special; we are unique; we share common experiences on the 15th floor.
We are Group D’s 2001 PwC’s intake.
And that is what we carry with us, no matter what other turning points we made in our lives.
