“I feel, therefore I am free” ~ Audre Lorde quoted by Elif Shafak
3 weeks of grooving in my gravel, with the cancer news & the breakup, i think i am getting some regularity and normalcy back. Somehow, i manage. Strangely. Things should settle, the family should move forward. Good or bad. And so will my emotions and state of mind.
Clarity is something that is only dusted off when screamed for. And silent screaming is something done rather often since 9th Dec 2010. And clarity moves hesitantly forward, bit by bit. But it arrives, eventually. Thankfully.
Yesterday's dark clouds. A solo drive home. An album that was with me to NYC/DC last year. An eventual mix of time travel. I was brought back to the trip briefly in my mind, in my mood. A smile. A tap to the beat on the steering wheel. A relief I can still lighten up.
The ironic part is we don't like our father very much, as a person, as a character. But we don't have a choice in choosing our father. So we do what we have to as daughters. Given my impatience and temper, I gather I do not fulfill as much as he wants. But I try, we all do. As our predestined duties.
The irony is, I know, most of my friends can tell Mr See is not for me. I have heard friendly comments & advice by and by. I have just chosen to believe otherwise. And when belief turns into disbelief, I have to acknowledge the power of choice & consequences in choosing my partner in my life. I tried, we all do. It is not to be.
I think, therefore I am.
I feel, therefore I am free.
I am learning. Constantly.
Clarity is something that is only dusted off when screamed for. And silent screaming is something done rather often since 9th Dec 2010. And clarity moves hesitantly forward, bit by bit. But it arrives, eventually. Thankfully.
Yesterday's dark clouds. A solo drive home. An album that was with me to NYC/DC last year. An eventual mix of time travel. I was brought back to the trip briefly in my mind, in my mood. A smile. A tap to the beat on the steering wheel. A relief I can still lighten up.
The ironic part is we don't like our father very much, as a person, as a character. But we don't have a choice in choosing our father. So we do what we have to as daughters. Given my impatience and temper, I gather I do not fulfill as much as he wants. But I try, we all do. As our predestined duties.
The irony is, I know, most of my friends can tell Mr See is not for me. I have heard friendly comments & advice by and by. I have just chosen to believe otherwise. And when belief turns into disbelief, I have to acknowledge the power of choice & consequences in choosing my partner in my life. I tried, we all do. It is not to be.
I think, therefore I am.
I feel, therefore I am free.
I am learning. Constantly.
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