Just one of those days again

Hindsight is always a wonderful thing.
But that is belated wisdom that descend only upon reflection.
Especially and only self reflection.
Would-have, could-have, should-have.
If only.

If granted the chance to turn back time.
I might undo and react differently for numerous moments previously.
Many reactions, decisions & choices.
And I might be in a different position all together today.
“Might”. Nothing but a mere contemplating muse.

Knowing that it is my experiences that shape me.
Good and bad.
I wouldn't change a thing.
For I might not be who I am today.

Rather than the lottery of hindsight wisdom.
I aspire and lust after instead:
A perceptive mind and a discerning eye.
The strength to see situations for what they are.
The courage to see people for who they are.
A balance between the world in my mind & my place in the world.

Then I sigh. As I sigh everyday.
Why am I not better?
Even as I forget to pat myself for the things well done.
Balance! A silent scream.
As I fall once again from a peak down into a valley.
Where that is elusive plateau?
Maybe only upon that last breath.

Because now utter mental exhaustion has set in.
I mutter to myself:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
— Oscar Wilde