Saturday, September 19, 2009

因乱,所以累

“ I feel like you are talking about someone else's relationship and boyfriend rather than your own?”

“ Exactly 你在乎他吗?”

One 30th birthday. Manicure & pedicure. One crowded Italian diner with good food and wine. A little light-headed. 2 good girlfriends. 1 husband for the men's point of view.

Last night's dinner.

说了太多,讲了太多,听了太多。
然后只有一个不知所措。Between emotions and logic, a certain tension. The girls are right, I may not as detached as I am used to portraying myself as, and I may not as unaffected as I sound.

接下来呢?

没有两个人一开始就是绝配。也没有一段感情常常久久毫无纷争波动。是需要时间让成熟强壮,一天一点。而时间是我们浪费了的奢侈。时间也是我们现在不一定有的机会。他给不给机会不在我的掌控中。那是他的决定。我还要不要给机会是我不确定的一点。理智上,何必呢。情感上,不知道。

早上我们传了一大堆短讯。基本上是告诉他我的不确定和一些看法。我也不是要 un-time-out 任何事。只是乘现在还平静时还没彻底放弃时说些看法。我知道自己,有些时候,时机过了不想说了,就算对自己不利的,也还是不会说了。现在想说,能说,还是说了吧。因为可能以后我就不说了。

还好说了。因为现在你问我假如早上没说,我现在还会说吗?我想不了。现在我又觉得累了