trying not to get stuck
with his "i'm still unsure of us" text to me when I landed in DC on 14th Oct still fresh in my mind, the position i choose to adopt is basically space between us. lotsa space unless necessary for whatever reasons.
it's been 2 months after the time-out, 1 month after that statement which is still clear as ever in my head, and i reckon his 'unsure & uncertain' no less either, what is a girl to do?
moving on? i try to not get myself stuck. i am not sure what constitutes moving on, but i try not to get stuck. in a way, i have been stuck for the past 6 months without attempting to end things or improve things. i refuse to get stuck now. if our relationship or status is stuck, i refuse to let my emotions and mind be stuck at this stage.
i refuse to.
i still think of him daily. i wouldn't deny that. like before, i think of him. is that missing him? perhaps there is no value in figuring out if thinking is missing. it is easier to just think, be done with it and do my own things. if the urge to think of him again arises, so be it. then i just think of him. i refuse to repress. think, and be done. it seems better, feel healthier mentally & emotionally rather than repressing.
sometimes i wonder, "does he think of me?"
i dunno the answer truly, but generally, my answer to myself is "probably not". not because of whatever faith or trust issue. but simply, i do not feel much from him that tells me that he thinks of me. why should i be so presumptuous to assume that he will think of me or miss me. how can i?
why assume? some things do need to be stated, instead of 一切尽在不言中. like "i like you", "i love you", "miss you", "wish you were here", "can't wait to see you."
当然不是什么都得每天讲，不过也不能完全不讲。'一切尽在不言中'有时候就变成了'无言以对'.
自问，我从没对一个人那么有耐心。他还是第一个。他要分手，我说ok. 他要time-out, 我也ok. 我怀疑他还停留在‘该不该继续’的阶段。我却在‘这是你要分手的理由，好，那我该怎样’. 我不知道他领悟到我为什么这次肯分手吗。他知道他为什么要和我分手，那他知道我为什么要和他分手吗？还是他还在想他自己该不该。
真是 ... sigh.
better to spend my effort on moving along .. 别卡住，别卡住。千万千万别让自己卡住。灰色不要紧，别进退两难。
it's been 2 months after the time-out, 1 month after that statement which is still clear as ever in my head, and i reckon his 'unsure & uncertain' no less either, what is a girl to do?
moving on? i try to not get myself stuck. i am not sure what constitutes moving on, but i try not to get stuck. in a way, i have been stuck for the past 6 months without attempting to end things or improve things. i refuse to get stuck now. if our relationship or status is stuck, i refuse to let my emotions and mind be stuck at this stage.
i refuse to.
i still think of him daily. i wouldn't deny that. like before, i think of him. is that missing him? perhaps there is no value in figuring out if thinking is missing. it is easier to just think, be done with it and do my own things. if the urge to think of him again arises, so be it. then i just think of him. i refuse to repress. think, and be done. it seems better, feel healthier mentally & emotionally rather than repressing.
sometimes i wonder, "does he think of me?"
i dunno the answer truly, but generally, my answer to myself is "probably not". not because of whatever faith or trust issue. but simply, i do not feel much from him that tells me that he thinks of me. why should i be so presumptuous to assume that he will think of me or miss me. how can i?
why assume? some things do need to be stated, instead of 一切尽在不言中. like "i like you", "i love you", "miss you", "wish you were here", "can't wait to see you."
当然不是什么都得每天讲，不过也不能完全不讲。'一切尽在不言中'有时候就变成了'无言以对'.
自问，我从没对一个人那么有耐心。他还是第一个。他要分手，我说ok. 他要time-out, 我也ok. 我怀疑他还停留在‘该不该继续’的阶段。我却在‘这是你要分手的理由，好，那我该怎样’. 我不知道他领悟到我为什么这次肯分手吗。他知道他为什么要和我分手，那他知道我为什么要和他分手吗？还是他还在想他自己该不该。
真是 ... sigh.
better to spend my effort on moving along .. 别卡住，别卡住。千万千万别让自己卡住。灰色不要紧，别进退两难。
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