Why am I so angry?

Here I am. Tossing in bed trying to sleep for an early ride to the airport tomorrow morning and I cannot sleep. I know why I cannot sleep. I am positively brimming with anger. I can feel the anger boiling beneath my body. I'm not sure if it would turn into utter irrational rage. I'm trying to control but I can feel my shallow breathing. It is not helping.

What am I so angry about? I can point out to the external world. But it all leads back to one thing. I dislike this position I have landed myself in now. Whatever this 'nice', 'wealthy', 'attached', 'family relations' position this is.

我不想怨天。Whatever cards are dealt, I'll play them. I am just angry with myself for dealing so badly with them. With all the cards in all areas.

So why am I so angry? Mostly because I am angry with myself. I should have been better. But I am not.

And as a matter of self consolation, a line from the musical last night : 幸福是知道你还有时间。

I'm just hope I'll buy into that statement tomorrow when i wake up.