as the clock winds down ..

to me, life compounds. everything leads and builds upon itself. compounded, compounds, compounding. that is why though it is possible for people to change their situation, it is actually very difficult. because not only do you have to reverse and u-turn, you have to work doubly hard to attempt to mitigated the compounded. so we applaud the people who manage. because it is truly not easy, it is rare.

is one judged on their entire life, or by whether religious rites are followed upon death? baffled. at least right now it sounds to me that where my father goes upon death is dependent solely on whether we follow strictly religious rites. still baffled.

i mused. you mean my dad's actions and choices and behavior throughout his entire life does not count? it all boils down to us, whether we kneel, pray and so forth? bollocks, i tell my sister privately. naturally we do what we can as children. but to present it in such a manner to me triggered perverse inner laughter while i kept a straight face.

evil of me, i know. it is framed both as a religious issue and of our filial piety, not whether he had been a good man, good husband and good father. so we live with that perspective. their perspective.

people are strange when someone approaches near death. it is almost as if suddenly they cannot imagine life without that person. close or not close. 6 months since diagnosis. and i see all my relatives so often now it becomes a daily affair. for some, i know they are genuine. they have been popping in and out, here and there regularly. for some others, i can only assume it's more about how they feel about their own actions than about the dying person. perhaps doing what "family" should do. i can live with that.

it could be worse i guess. they could simply just not turn up. so i can settle for this - doing what family should do.