because the past does matter, somehow ..
in my view of the world, there is this set of parameters which I believe strongly in - 'path dependence'.
from wiki:
Path dependence explains how the set of decisions one faces for any given circumstance is limited by the decisions one has made in the past, even though past circumstances may no longer be relevant.
The essence, history matters.
Where we stand right now, is because of the paths taken before. Some very very long ago. Some, very recent behaviors. Where we will be, depends on the choices and paths we will make. Of course I believe as well some are material choices, some are negligible. But act consistently enough, those negligible ones will still add up and shape our lives the same way the material ones does too. Basically, I believe our choices & actions shape our lives, our reputation, how others view us, even our physical bodies, irregardless what one might verbally say to the outside world.
It is really no use telling people you are wise if others view you a fool by the actions in your life. Of that, very un-respectfully, I think of my father. Evil, yes I know. But sad truth.
And why am I rambling about this now?
Sometimes I still feel like I am held hostage by my past experience with Mr See. No, perhaps I should say I am still held hostage. I know it is actually horrid of me to now be opening the option of "out" instead of maintaining "making things work". Perhaps to the world, it is actually a step backwards and why do I even both trying again then? Is it enough to say we're trying again because despite all that had happened perhaps the affection is still there. But at the same time, the past experience had shaped my approach and mentality towards the relationship by allowing myself the permission to say "out" if I ever need to.
Is it reasonable that I now say, the past shaped the current approach? And that this approach is reasonable? Because of who he is, and our past together? Of course, it cuts both ways.
Truth is, even if we "try" again, we don't start from a clean slate. A clean slate is a luxury you can only offer to a stranger. No matter what we say or think that we can do it start anew. But can we really?
Or maybe I'm the one who cannot. Still limited by past circumstances, regardless if they are still relevant or not.
from wiki:
Path dependence explains how the set of decisions one faces for any given circumstance is limited by the decisions one has made in the past, even though past circumstances may no longer be relevant.
The essence, history matters.
Where we stand right now, is because of the paths taken before. Some very very long ago. Some, very recent behaviors. Where we will be, depends on the choices and paths we will make. Of course I believe as well some are material choices, some are negligible. But act consistently enough, those negligible ones will still add up and shape our lives the same way the material ones does too. Basically, I believe our choices & actions shape our lives, our reputation, how others view us, even our physical bodies, irregardless what one might verbally say to the outside world.
It is really no use telling people you are wise if others view you a fool by the actions in your life. Of that, very un-respectfully, I think of my father. Evil, yes I know. But sad truth.
And why am I rambling about this now?
Sometimes I still feel like I am held hostage by my past experience with Mr See. No, perhaps I should say I am still held hostage. I know it is actually horrid of me to now be opening the option of "out" instead of maintaining "making things work". Perhaps to the world, it is actually a step backwards and why do I even both trying again then? Is it enough to say we're trying again because despite all that had happened perhaps the affection is still there. But at the same time, the past experience had shaped my approach and mentality towards the relationship by allowing myself the permission to say "out" if I ever need to.
Is it reasonable that I now say, the past shaped the current approach? And that this approach is reasonable? Because of who he is, and our past together? Of course, it cuts both ways.
Truth is, even if we "try" again, we don't start from a clean slate. A clean slate is a luxury you can only offer to a stranger. No matter what we say or think that we can do it start anew. But can we really?
Or maybe I'm the one who cannot. Still limited by past circumstances, regardless if they are still relevant or not.
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