While driving home today, I wept. It was tears of fright and loss, really.

I realized today that tomorrow is my “designated” day to tender my resignation to the firm. That realization filled me with a lot of confusion. To be really honest, I’m petrified. Suddenly I have no idea what I was thinking. Why do I want to resign? Do I really want to do this? What happens after that? Do I really have the guts to? Am I sure?

The sense of confusion and loss was so overwhelming. I couldn’t help it but I felt very small for that period of time. For a brief moment, a thought flashed through my head: “Why dun I just not tender tomorrow then?” For a while, all that feeling of loss left me. But a quick question came up: “Then what?” Continue working and moan about my life?

I guess that could be an option?

A thousand and one thoughts went through my head. The main part was giving the louse in me a lot of excuse not to hand in my letter tomorrow. It ranged to “do it when you are ready” to “why not just get your CPA”. I have never felt like such a coward before.

How certain am I of this, really?

可我也知道这种百感交集的心情是正常的。我一直开着车，一直跟自己说“不要怕，要勇敢。不要怕，要勇敢”。就这样，一直到我的心比较平静。答应别人的事你都会尽力去完成，更何况是答应自己的。不要一时的怀疑而退缩。

So I picked up my trusty book on inspirations when I got home and continue where I left the other time. The message today was simply as follows:-

I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in a magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
Jack London

He is right. One may compromise on a hundred and one things in life, but we should never compromise our life, and the adventures it may bring forth.

不要怕
不要怕
不要怕