It has been another week. Another week at work, another week of trying to catch enough sleep, another week of me trying to figure out my life.
Another week closer to my “supposed” date of resignation from the firm.
And like all people, the nearer I am to the DAY (which brings forth immeasurable amount of uncertainty), the less certain I am of my choice. I am starting to wonder on my wisdom of my choices; on whether Feb is too early; on whether I am just being spoiled as usual; on whether I really know what I hope to achieve from resigning from the firm. Afterall, I could have a pretty good career with the firm.
Like all humans, I have to deal with fear. Fear of the unknown and uncertainty of life.
So what would happen after I leave the firm and become one of the statistics of “unemployed”? Do I really know what I am doing?
So what will I be doing after leaving the firm? I am starting to wonder if I will be able to keep myself occupied and not be bored with myself and life in general.
What can I do? I need to make a list here so I can keep my mind working even after I stopped working in the “economic” sense….
1. Sleep
2. Read
3. Play golf
4. Exercise
5. Read about personal finance and all that I always wanted myself to find out about shares and stocks but never had the time. Learn how to make my money make more money so I can be financially independent.
6. Learn to cook
7. Pick up a new skill? Maybe dancing or calligraphy or something!
8. Travel – I have always wanted to spend extended period away from home, preferably at least once on my own. I need to leave my comfort zone and see what stuff I am made of. Place to travel include watching golf in States; visiting NYC in autumn; visiting Haochang in Shanghai; going to Beijing; visiting Japan when the leaves are changing colours; going back to Europe and visit the cultural areas in winter; watching the Australian Open in Australia etc. So many places and things to do … need all the time and money I can gather!
9. Meet up with friends more often – but then again, they may not have the time to meet up with me since everyone is working…
10. Most importantly, enjoy my own company and learn more about my own emotional state of mind. I need to find myself, make myself or whatever you it!
11. At the end of the day, perhaps to figure out what sort of existence should I attempt to live so I would not look back with regrets when I’m 35 next time.
Would all this be enough to stop me from getting bored when I stop work? Afterall I have worked for 2 and a half years and it would be hard to get used to the loss of responsibilities and the idea of having nothing important to do. Heh, humans are such creatures of irony. I crave for leisure when I’m bogged down with work. And when I am approaching the possibility of total leisure, I’m starting to worry whether I would bored myself to death.
But I guess this is normal. We are all creatures of routine. And without a job to maintain the routine, I will need to create some routine in my own life.
Perhaps this is what it is all about – Routine.
Perhaps I detest my current routine in my life right now. The way the routine snaps me of my sleep and rest and dulls my mind and soul. The way this routine seeps away whatever little passion I have left for living my life. The way this routine makes me go about my life everyday – tired and lifeless. Whatever happened to energy and enjoying what you do? Whatever happened to passions and responsibility to live happily for yourself?
I know some people must have thought of me as crazy. What about social and financial responsibilities? What about being productive in the society? This has got to be one spoiled brat here.
No, I’m not being a brat here. I know about financial responsibilities, etc. But I am at a stage now when I do not have any financial commitments yet, nor do I have a family to feed for the time being. Which is very important for me that I do this now! That I satisfy this craving to try out another alternative lifestyle. I’m ageing by the second and I need to take the plunge now while I still can. I really do not want to look back 10 years later and wonder if I could be living another sort of routine in my life.
Whatever happens, will happen. I owe it to myself to at least try to be happier at living my life.
Life is now a deadening routine. I need a new one.
The potential that it could bring is worth this risk, is it not?
Another week closer to my “supposed” date of resignation from the firm.
And like all people, the nearer I am to the DAY (which brings forth immeasurable amount of uncertainty), the less certain I am of my choice. I am starting to wonder on my wisdom of my choices; on whether Feb is too early; on whether I am just being spoiled as usual; on whether I really know what I hope to achieve from resigning from the firm. Afterall, I could have a pretty good career with the firm.
Like all humans, I have to deal with fear. Fear of the unknown and uncertainty of life.
So what would happen after I leave the firm and become one of the statistics of “unemployed”? Do I really know what I am doing?
So what will I be doing after leaving the firm? I am starting to wonder if I will be able to keep myself occupied and not be bored with myself and life in general.
What can I do? I need to make a list here so I can keep my mind working even after I stopped working in the “economic” sense….
1. Sleep
2. Read
3. Play golf
4. Exercise
5. Read about personal finance and all that I always wanted myself to find out about shares and stocks but never had the time. Learn how to make my money make more money so I can be financially independent.
6. Learn to cook
7. Pick up a new skill? Maybe dancing or calligraphy or something!
8. Travel – I have always wanted to spend extended period away from home, preferably at least once on my own. I need to leave my comfort zone and see what stuff I am made of. Place to travel include watching golf in States; visiting NYC in autumn; visiting Haochang in Shanghai; going to Beijing; visiting Japan when the leaves are changing colours; going back to Europe and visit the cultural areas in winter; watching the Australian Open in Australia etc. So many places and things to do … need all the time and money I can gather!
9. Meet up with friends more often – but then again, they may not have the time to meet up with me since everyone is working…
10. Most importantly, enjoy my own company and learn more about my own emotional state of mind. I need to find myself, make myself or whatever you it!
11. At the end of the day, perhaps to figure out what sort of existence should I attempt to live so I would not look back with regrets when I’m 35 next time.
Would all this be enough to stop me from getting bored when I stop work? Afterall I have worked for 2 and a half years and it would be hard to get used to the loss of responsibilities and the idea of having nothing important to do. Heh, humans are such creatures of irony. I crave for leisure when I’m bogged down with work. And when I am approaching the possibility of total leisure, I’m starting to worry whether I would bored myself to death.
But I guess this is normal. We are all creatures of routine. And without a job to maintain the routine, I will need to create some routine in my own life.
Perhaps this is what it is all about – Routine.
Perhaps I detest my current routine in my life right now. The way the routine snaps me of my sleep and rest and dulls my mind and soul. The way this routine seeps away whatever little passion I have left for living my life. The way this routine makes me go about my life everyday – tired and lifeless. Whatever happened to energy and enjoying what you do? Whatever happened to passions and responsibility to live happily for yourself?
I know some people must have thought of me as crazy. What about social and financial responsibilities? What about being productive in the society? This has got to be one spoiled brat here.
No, I’m not being a brat here. I know about financial responsibilities, etc. But I am at a stage now when I do not have any financial commitments yet, nor do I have a family to feed for the time being. Which is very important for me that I do this now! That I satisfy this craving to try out another alternative lifestyle. I’m ageing by the second and I need to take the plunge now while I still can. I really do not want to look back 10 years later and wonder if I could be living another sort of routine in my life.
Whatever happens, will happen. I owe it to myself to at least try to be happier at living my life.
Life is now a deadening routine. I need a new one.
The potential that it could bring is worth this risk, is it not?
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