what do you want to be when you grow up?
honestly i cannot recall if i have ever written an essay with regards to "what do i want to be when i grow up", or 《我的志愿》. i didn't even think i knew what i wanted to be, to do, as i muddled through my teenage years. but i did know what i didn't want to do. i didn't want to deal with science, or literature. so i took a fresh plunge. into commence & accounting after secondary school.
choice defined by what remains after striking out what i do not want.
a fresh plunge is cold and scary. but it keeps you on your toes. alive and learning. so i continued down this new path. from age 17-24, dealing as best as i can. until indifference set in rather than learning. when a rot begins to set in rather than life.
again, no idea what to do but yet knowing what not to do. leave the old path. can't do it anymore. so another fresh plunge after auditing and some time alone. age 26 till present. still alive, still learning, still threading water.
how long will i continue down this path? no idea. until i don't want to anymore. do i know any better now what i want to be when i grow up? not really, even though technically i am grown up now, and i am still baffled by the turns i have taken. it has been interesting so far.
hard and lonely, yes.
continuously learning, yes.
perhaps this is the way is meant to be.
i was musing whilst on my dvd errands today. musing being the wrong term. letting the subconscious take over being more appropriate. and i recalled an old memory. i was 15 or 16, selling flags along orchard road. i remember i was at the junction just outside takashimaya. with my tin can requesting for donations. bored to death on a warm saturday. at a particular red light, cars lined up and stopped. a car honked. i turned. a window lowered. continental car. a lady looked directly at me and called. tin in hand, i stepped forward. unexpectedly she flashed a $10 bill and dropped it into my tin can. only enough time for one thank-you and the lights turned green and she was gone.
while i have truly no inkling what i want to be when i grow up professionally, i know something. i like to be that lady. i want to have that bit of her on that saturday afternoon.
gracious, generous and all heart.
i hope so far i am on the right path.
choice defined by what remains after striking out what i do not want.
a fresh plunge is cold and scary. but it keeps you on your toes. alive and learning. so i continued down this new path. from age 17-24, dealing as best as i can. until indifference set in rather than learning. when a rot begins to set in rather than life.
again, no idea what to do but yet knowing what not to do. leave the old path. can't do it anymore. so another fresh plunge after auditing and some time alone. age 26 till present. still alive, still learning, still threading water.
how long will i continue down this path? no idea. until i don't want to anymore. do i know any better now what i want to be when i grow up? not really, even though technically i am grown up now, and i am still baffled by the turns i have taken. it has been interesting so far.
hard and lonely, yes.
continuously learning, yes.
perhaps this is the way is meant to be.
i was musing whilst on my dvd errands today. musing being the wrong term. letting the subconscious take over being more appropriate. and i recalled an old memory. i was 15 or 16, selling flags along orchard road. i remember i was at the junction just outside takashimaya. with my tin can requesting for donations. bored to death on a warm saturday. at a particular red light, cars lined up and stopped. a car honked. i turned. a window lowered. continental car. a lady looked directly at me and called. tin in hand, i stepped forward. unexpectedly she flashed a $10 bill and dropped it into my tin can. only enough time for one thank-you and the lights turned green and she was gone.
while i have truly no inkling what i want to be when i grow up professionally, i know something. i like to be that lady. i want to have that bit of her on that saturday afternoon.
gracious, generous and all heart.
i hope so far i am on the right path.
<< Home