still alive and kicking
i cannot even begin to describe how frightened i was today. the event of the day? collecting my medical report for the checkup done 2 weeks ago. i think the last time i felt so much stress mentally was back in 1997 when i was waiting to collect my "A" levels results.
it may sound silly, but yes, i was that frightened. perhaps glaringly aware of my own mortality.
i was already antsy by lunch time. and my appointment was at 415pm. that's a lot of angst in between, if you ask me. and i met with a traffic jam on the way while driving. funnily, i remember saying to myself: "well, if the traffic jam is the worst thing that can happen to you today, consider yourself lucky." i know. all that pessimism already.
but take a step back, isn't it true? for all the tempers lost and bad moods over the smallest things daily, if a traffic jam is the worst thing that can happen instead of (1) death (2) losing a child (3) receiving a terminal diagnosis (4) falling into heavy debt (5) jail (6) retrenchment (blah blah), aren't we all so lucky already?
and how is my health?
it is a qualified pass. meaning conditional, depending on how you look at it. generally i am happy with it, but there is a cyst that needs occasional attention, probably 12 months from today, unless i feel less than dandy. i just scrutinized the numbers from the report. if you ask me, i think my cholesterol is a tad too high for my own liking. and this is probably something my sisters will never let me forget since i had the lowest in the family before, and now the highest. yes, in the normal world, cholesterol is fine. in the koh family, it is too high.
i doubt this medical checkup and doctors' routine will ever get easier. but now when i think back of all my hospital visits back last year and all the patients i saw, i should be all so grateful if that is all i have to do, isn't it. just regular body checks.
something will get me. eventually. that i know. but till then, i must be thankful for now.
it may sound silly, but yes, i was that frightened. perhaps glaringly aware of my own mortality.
i was already antsy by lunch time. and my appointment was at 415pm. that's a lot of angst in between, if you ask me. and i met with a traffic jam on the way while driving. funnily, i remember saying to myself: "well, if the traffic jam is the worst thing that can happen to you today, consider yourself lucky." i know. all that pessimism already.
but take a step back, isn't it true? for all the tempers lost and bad moods over the smallest things daily, if a traffic jam is the worst thing that can happen instead of (1) death (2) losing a child (3) receiving a terminal diagnosis (4) falling into heavy debt (5) jail (6) retrenchment (blah blah), aren't we all so lucky already?
and how is my health?
it is a qualified pass. meaning conditional, depending on how you look at it. generally i am happy with it, but there is a cyst that needs occasional attention, probably 12 months from today, unless i feel less than dandy. i just scrutinized the numbers from the report. if you ask me, i think my cholesterol is a tad too high for my own liking. and this is probably something my sisters will never let me forget since i had the lowest in the family before, and now the highest. yes, in the normal world, cholesterol is fine. in the koh family, it is too high.
i doubt this medical checkup and doctors' routine will ever get easier. but now when i think back of all my hospital visits back last year and all the patients i saw, i should be all so grateful if that is all i have to do, isn't it. just regular body checks.
something will get me. eventually. that i know. but till then, i must be thankful for now.
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