Slippery downhill slope
I am quite a organizer by heart. Most of my aspects of my life are planned, categorized neatly. It works rather well for me most of the time. Except, well, I mistakenly assumed that organization and categorization could be extended to my emotions as well. Even when I am overwhelmed.
Perhaps my greatest mistake was the assumption that the system should work even better ESPECIALLY when I am overwhelmed. I assumed it should serve to manage myself, my emotions better than without the system.
Evidently I am wrong. Took me about 10 weeks to find out. It was not explosive, neither did my world collapse around me. Maybe my internal world did wobble. But it was most certainly downhill in all aspects of my life. ALL. That is a first. From my self-esteem to my self identity. From my trading to my relationships. I have to admit, it is every single fucking thing. Focus became something rare. Discipline became the anchor that disappeared. Energy is sapped. Trying to regain lost grounds got slippery on the downhill slope. And it is quite a fall. I look at my bank account and I know. Trading is my canary in the mine.
I am not going to announce that I give myself 2 months or 4 months to pick up the pieces. What pieces? To reassemble to what? I have no freaking idea. But clearly I have work to do. And first to go is the underlying assumption that every aspect of my life can be categorized. At least now I know my emotional mind cannot. One thing leads to another, and guess what? Apparently emotionally I tend to snowball.
What works, I shall try to continue with them.
What clearly does not, or seems wobbly? Perhaps it is my own emotions wreaking hacvo in my mind & my life. Leave it, breathe. Just do what I can.
And what I am going to focus on?
Exercise, calories counting, and trading. Clearly any foundation of any sorts starts from myself. My own soul, body and ego.
Perhaps my greatest mistake was the assumption that the system should work even better ESPECIALLY when I am overwhelmed. I assumed it should serve to manage myself, my emotions better than without the system.
Evidently I am wrong. Took me about 10 weeks to find out. It was not explosive, neither did my world collapse around me. Maybe my internal world did wobble. But it was most certainly downhill in all aspects of my life. ALL. That is a first. From my self-esteem to my self identity. From my trading to my relationships. I have to admit, it is every single fucking thing. Focus became something rare. Discipline became the anchor that disappeared. Energy is sapped. Trying to regain lost grounds got slippery on the downhill slope. And it is quite a fall. I look at my bank account and I know. Trading is my canary in the mine.
I am not going to announce that I give myself 2 months or 4 months to pick up the pieces. What pieces? To reassemble to what? I have no freaking idea. But clearly I have work to do. And first to go is the underlying assumption that every aspect of my life can be categorized. At least now I know my emotional mind cannot. One thing leads to another, and guess what? Apparently emotionally I tend to snowball.
What works, I shall try to continue with them.
What clearly does not, or seems wobbly? Perhaps it is my own emotions wreaking hacvo in my mind & my life. Leave it, breathe. Just do what I can.
And what I am going to focus on?
Exercise, calories counting, and trading. Clearly any foundation of any sorts starts from myself. My own soul, body and ego.
