re-reading some of the old entries from 2003 and 2004, i caught a glimpse of the peaceful soul then that is like a stranger to the current me. and i realised, i missed having that soul around. if that is the world's message to me, i should take heed.
in my rare moments of clarity, i know i have lost that sense of fulfilment and satisfaction from a simple life. even without engaging the corporate rat race, i am still in the race that the society has imposed. in my eager beaver idiotic keen-
ness for 'societal-success', money is becoming and has become the central pivot.
and today i take heed.
i suppose i am already luckier than a lot of other people out there. i am doing what i want. what i wanted to be is already unfolding for me in my life, this lifetime. i may not ace it, but it is something for me to lose, not something i still need to chase after. i still struggle, i suppose, because i have not been able to fully integrate an inner sense of balance for myself. the inner sense of balance which every decently successful self-employed person should have. the epitome of realisation that money important as it is, and
awashed in what i engage in everyday, should not be something i
obsessed over unhealthily; that it is an essential part of my living, but not the only essential element of it.
and in 2008, once again, i struggle with finding my balance.
hopefully it is easier the second time round.
