some clarity in a reply ..

"if only deliberation is only towards him ..
but no .. it is becoming a lens adopted towards the world.
unfortunately... or maybe fortunately?
Depending on how you look at it.

My evolving view about myself and my life ..
is coming to the contention that certain aspects are fatal weakness ..
and if not corrected, will be my achilles' heel, dooming me to my cycle & pattern of life that has kept repeating.

and by extension, the correction is starting to include many aspects of my life. not just Yiming for that matter ..
trading, parents, sisters, general relationships ..

U know, the truth is .. i want to be better. Period. It is not a "i wish to be better". I want to be.

I wouldn't deny my emotions. But i just do not want to act off it without thinking through first as I had always done.

what is it they say? Do not dam it up, let it flood through first, but do not get carried away by it.

hence deliberation.

the truth is, every element in the universe exists in a state of constant change and becoming.

i guess, i am changing. Because I want to.

So, it is no longer about him or us.
it is *selfishly* about me. "

眼中的泪，我不想任何人看

原来就算被他的语言抉择伤了心，我也不会让他看到眼里的泪。我不要，我不想，我不原意。翻过了身，脸埋进了被子，他才后知后觉发现自己不知道说错做错了什么。就算苦苦哀求，拼了命道歉，我还是不。

平服了心，才愿意一句不说，起来。

什么都不说，或许对他不公平。
说了，又怎样？

Truth is, I feel more misunderstood than understood as far as he is concerned.

不是致命的伤,但现在的我，有点累，有点什么都不想思考。
我只想爬回自己的世界。

别打扰。