Sleep, rest and relax. The only way to de-stress ourselves and enjoy the day for once on a weekend.

That is what I managed to do today. Slept to my fill. Drank enough water to stop my head from throbbing. What a lovely day it is.

How long has it been since you woke up on a lazy sunday, waking up naturally?
How long has it been when you read papers and magazines by the window with a cup of tea and a slight breeze?
How long has it been when you spend the day without ever watching the clock and the time? Just doing whatever your heart desires?

Sleep, rest, relax, go for a jog ..... the feel-good-factor being extremely high for one day!

What a lovely day it has been.

I do pray for many more such Sundays to come by.

The thing about being in a rat race is no matter how fast or good or successful you are in the race ... you are still a rat. A nameless, faceless soul in the society where everyone goes about their own business. Nobody knows you. Nobody really cares even. We go about everyday. Rushing and getting stressed out. All for that monthly salary for survival. We use our hands, we use our brains. But how many of us really use our hearts?

The heart is a muscle. And the fewer times we practise using it emotionally, the weaker it gets. Isn't this the case for all of us modern people? We stopped using our hearts in our daily routine life. We stopped learning to care. We lose our yin in our lives.

Life is a balance between yang and yin. Where is the point of balance? I need to find my balance, between making money for survival and being happy.

Life begins when there is peace and when there are balancing forces of yang and yin.

My life hasn't began yet. I pray that it will begin beginning my 24th year of existence.

I cannot believe myself.

How can I possibly be missing someone who hurt me so badly? Women are such weird and emotional creatures. We are such suckers for pain. Why do we only remember only the good memories and totally forget the pain that came along with it? Are we creatures of denial? Or is this our way of paying our past relationships due respect?

It's not as if I'm still hankering for the relationship. I have long acknowledged that the relationship is over and I should lick my wound, watch the scar and learn to move on. If that is the case, why does he still pop up in my mind so often? So much so that it actually makes me long for him back in my life again.

What is wrong with me? Okay, maybe I do not miss him afterall. Perhaps I just miss someone in my life to share my joy and laughter ... to do things together as a couple .... and to share our dreams and grow old together.

I just miss couplehood. I do not miss him.
Okay...repeat this always .... *oomph*

You know how I stopped myself from missing him so badly? I deliberately recall the hurtful stuff he did to me. I thought over the situations over and over again ... until I felt the anger rising in my throat again. Until his image conjures nothing but disgust! That's when I stopped missing him on the bus today ... and thought "asshole".

I probably look pathetic doing this. I do feel silly doing this. But I would rather that I hate him than miss him. He's not worth my memories after that he has done. And he is not worth my pinning for at all. At least I dn't carry his shadow with me, and learn to be happy on my own.

There will come a day when I can let go of this hatred. But now is not the time.
But believe in myself ... the day will come.

Today I turn 24. A new day. a new beginning.

This has gotta to be the first bday I'm celebrating since my 15th bday when I dun receive any flowers ... :o) Not quite sure if saying this outloud is extremely egoistic of me. But then again, who cares!

How should I begin my 24th year of existence on Planet Earth? What should I aspire to achieve before I hit my quarter life crisis? So many "hows", "whats", "whys" & "what-ifs". I guess this is the beauty of life. Uncertainty and hope. Strength vs weakness. Wishes vs fear.

There are definitely moments of doubts in my life. The problem with being a lady in this time and age is we are given so much choices in deciding what we want to be. And it often results in a case of us knowing what choice to make. Should I be a career woman or should I aspire to be a good mom? Should I be a lawyer or an accountant? Should I give up my home and relocate somewhere else?

It gets worse when I think about relationships. what sort of expectations should a modern lady have towards relationships? Should I be more agressive and seek out the guy I like? Or should I wait for him to make the first move? Can we be as emotionally detached as some guys and separate physical desires from our emotions? Should I pay? Should I wait? Do I still have the right to demanded to be treated like a damsel?

So many questions. So little time, so bewildered.

24 ... here I come. Is the world ready for me as I suss out my "situation"? I hope the world is ready, coz mistdew here is just going to keep her toes and fingers crossed and hope that her life will turn out fine eventually.

Wish me luck!!