Today a Eureka moment hit me as I was staring into space, wondering about the "living my life" question again. Right now it has gotten me all very excited about my future life and how it may turn out.

It is vastly different from my current life now. It is so different I'm not sure if I dare take the plunge and go ahead with it. Would there be people who supports my choice in life? Or would people around me all doubt the sanity of my choice in life? I'm not quite sure myself. But at least I'm not down in the dumps over my life currently, at least emotionally and mentally.

Of course whether all these would translate into action on my part is another story on my own. I do hope I can and have the guts to go ahead with this radically choice of mine in sunny Singapore.

Somehow the notion of "living my life" has been the question I have been asking myself frequently these days.

Am I living my life? Or am I watching the pasage of time pass by me while I wait for my end? What does it mean to "live my life"? Does it mean living out my dreams? But are my dreams realistic? Does it mean experiencing new experiences in life? Or does it mean just going through the rituals of growing up, be gainfully employed and growing old?

What does it mean to have a successful life? Is it the society's expectation to have plenty of moo-lah rolling in and having big fancy cars and a really huge house? Or is raising capable kids who can make a meaningful contribution to the world next time? Or is it simply just working and making annual contributions to the government's coffers and do what is expected of your life, ie. get a degree, work, have a family and drop dead?

Could it potentially be falling in love and enjoy that blissful notion of 'happily-ever-after'? Or could be it having your heart smashed to pieces by the one you once loved, before one is considered to have lived?

How much money is enough before one can be happy? Is money even an important factor to consider? Of course in modern society, money is necessity. Even a cuppa Starbucks costs like $4. No moo-lah, no coffee. But does that make us really happy as a person? Spend $800+ on a gadget. Well, how is that gadget supposed to improve my life and make it happier? Probably just that instance of emotional gratification.

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In exchange for money, I gave up my time. I used my time and energy to solve accounting issues for people. To present work that no one really cares about. Sometimes I dun even care myself. In exchange for money, sometimes I feel my soul slipping away. Without my own free time and leisure, I use work to identify myself. I forgot who I really am, what I really want to do.

"Oh hi, what do you do? How's life?"
"Hello, I'm an auditor! Work sucks ... but all the same, I'm still an auditor!'

Inevitably, the conversation would just be about work, and how unfair the company is treating us etc etc etc. Such negative conversations slowly sucks the life out of me. Leaves me feeling depressed, unhappy and just tired.

I have to constantly remind myself to step away from the grind of work and remind myself to live my life. But naturally before I do that, I have to think through .... think long and hard ....

Exactly what is life? How should I live mine?

Ahh ... if only life is not as simple as what I had noted on 12th Oct '03. The tables seem to have flipped. Someone up there must have decided that I'm too "relaxed" and decided to flip the tables for a while, and took my sats away.

The more work demands of me, the more I relish my free time and the more I look forward to doing as much as I can so I could at least have my Sundays off. Though it one less day than what I wished since I need Sat to clear those nonsense work piling up, but I'm not bitter. I'm even more motivated to work on Sats so I can enjoy my Sundays guilt-free. All the more I want to have my Sundays available to ponder on the question that has been bothering me pretty often in recent times - What is life? What should I do with my life? What matters in life?

I read a fable today:-
3 men were laying bricks when they were asked what they are doing.
One man answered "I'm earning money".
Another said "I'm helping support my family".
And the last man replied "I'm helping to build a cathedral".

I was dumbstrucked when I read this fable. How easy it is for us to lose sight of what matters to us in life. How easy it is for us to be caught up in the details of life and miss out on the big picture.

What am I placed on earth to do? What matters to me in my life so that I have no regrets should I die tomorrow? What sort of experiences do I want from life?

Certainly, a successful career will be a bonus. But at what extent should other aspects of my life give way to achieve a good career? At the end of the day, does the career really matter that much even?

Is money important? I guess, up to a certain extent. But to what extent? Is this extent personal to everyone? Do I need money to make myself happy or people around me happy?

Am I doing something for the good of myself and the society right now? Or am I just earning money to survive?