打扫心理

为偶尔累积的无奈，疲惫，回忆，寂寞，感触
还是哭了

泪。为什么原因留下
不重要

重要的是
哭过总好些
就算现实没改变

明天。还是拼了

又怎样

多么努力呼吸都好像不够气。多么用心做一些还没做完的事都还是心不在焉。多么疲累想让自己睡个午觉都还是定不下来。说闷到发慌没错，说纳闷也是对，说是人偶尔捉摸不透的问号也可以。

有时候，我觉得我的问题是我有太多时间了。胡思乱想，闷倒自己。或许这几天是这样。或许是这一礼拜精神被股市弄到有点紧张，所以一直紧绷的拳头到了周末也松不下来。松不下来，我就开始钻牛角尖了。

So what ? 又怎样？

拿这个来顶撞自己绝对让自己一生的想法都打翻。然后发现自己回到了 square one, 还是什么都不知道，什么也没想通。

读书考试好。So what ?
找到好的工作。So what ?
赚的钱多。So what ?
家人开心。So what ?
在世界走走看世界。So what ?
嫁了好男人。So what ?
有了孩子。So what ?
名车，大房子。So what ?
别人的羡慕。So what ?
有了科技的发达，医药奇迹。So what ?

有了一切的一切，还是少了什么，以后当我面对死亡时，我会畏缩不前，还是正视毫无恐惧？那时，应该和我赚多少钱，开什么样的车，有什么样的家人朋友没什么关系了吧？

什么样的生活不会害怕死亡？还是人，本来就应该害怕死亡？
既然本来都会死，为什么每个人都还是努力地活着？为什么还要计较什么，在乎什么，忙什么？我真的不认为有遗憾的人才会害怕死亡。遗憾只是承认以前有些没做的更好的选择和决定。难道没遗憾的人，敢爱敢恨的人就不怕死亡吗？和尚就一定不怕死吗？坏人就一定怕死吗？

有所谓？无所谓？
So what? Make sure? Why not?

什么什么什么？

或许我真的是闷到发慌了。

open mind

别误会觉得我只懂听一类型的歌
不否认有些歌的确特别，的确私人
什么以 open mind 的心态听听看看
常会有意想不到的成绩，感觉

看书这样，听歌这样
做人也一样

and yes, i do enjoy alternative and hip-hop, and rock as well.

a nation's birthday

I am rather embarrassed to let people know this, but whenever I hear our Singapore pledge, I will always tear. Don't ask me why. It is almost the most natural thing, if not for the fact that it seem rather odd and uncool to tear over our pledge.

I watched Dim Sum Dollies, and I had to turn away away when Emma Yong started reciting the pledge during a sketch on "Miss Singapore". When I was younger as a student, I always felt that whatever the pledge encompass was an utter tall order. Now that I am older, it is still a tall order, but with the added element of 'eh, maybe, just maybe we can achieve".

I have never understood all those performances during National Day parade. Honestly, it bores me to death and I do not really appreciate the efforts put into the formations. The part I enjoyed most is always the marching, and the armed forces. Then I will go do my stuff, come out again to watch the telly for the year's theme song and anthem, and of course watch the pledge recital. Oh, did I forget to mention the fireworks?

Oh god, Singapore is 42. I still remember the time when Singapore was 25, and I was only 11 or 12. I love "We are Singapore", and will always remember how we were made to memorise the lyrics. As cheesy as it sounds, it is still one of my personal favorites till today. In college, there was flag raising in the morning. Something I always had to do when other councillors forgot about it, and me being the councillor for the class standing the nearest to the poles. It always come down to me. I wonder if I am the councillor who did flag raising the most. Always take a moment before raising the flag. It is not very nice if the flag is upside down, or simply the wrong way.

Laura once asked me if I ever considered emigrating like some of the Singaporeans. I gave her a "are-you-mad" look. I know Singapore is not perfect. There are many areas we need to work on, many areas we need to improve on. But with the added sense of relativity, there is really no other country I would rather be in. As much as I like the Big Apple, I think I will be rather miserable there.

Ah yes, Singapore is 42. And I am sure before I know what hit me, Singapore will be 50.